I GOT STONED

I have to tell you that I did not have a nice weekend, most certainly, the loss of my Uncle Dave, but that’s not what this is about.

Friday evening, starting around 6:00 PM, the right side of my back began to hurt. The subsequent medical report identified the area as a right flank. It was a pain I never felt before, and all I knew was that I was in agony and the only thing I could do was suffer. I was unable to get comfortable in any position; sitting, standing, or lying down. Before bed, I took two Tylenol Extra Strength tablets. They did absolutely nothing to ease the discomfort. I slept sporadically during the night and in the morning, the pain went away after an hour or so. I seemed fine. Great! Whatever it was, it was gone! I had my suspicions, but several people thought I had hurt a muscle. Nope, the pain was more internal than that.

Saturday evening, the terrible pain returned. This time, I took two Tylenols and two 50 mg tramadol pills. Unfortunately, that combination didn’t help and, once again, I suffered for hours in bed - dozing, wide awake, tossing and turning. Repeat, repeat, repeat!

Sunday morning, the pain subsided after an hour or so, so I began looking up what might cause the symptom. That night, like clockwork, the pain came back and I chose not to take anything for it because, if 1,000 mg of Tylenol and 100 mg of tramadol wouldn’t do the trick, what’s the point? The only way I could describe it would be to say that, on a 1-10 scale, this was a solid 7. It wasn’t a sharp pain like a knife stabbing me, it was more like a heavy thud, as if someone took a big rubber mallet and swung very hard, aiming straight at my right kidney. Extremely uncomfortable. Interestingly, the pain expanded to include my lower right back.

Monday morning, the pain subsided, just like the other two days. It was time to call the doctor to make an appointment. He wrote out two referrals (which I went and picked up) to get a urine test and an ultrasound on both kidneys. Quest did the first one and Boston Diagnostics, the ultrasound. Meanwhile, I prepared myself for the impending evening pain. Surprisingly, it didn’t come.

Yesterday afternoon, I saw the NP (Nurse Practitioner) and explained my situation (and I was very detailed.) She diagnosed me with what I thought it was: a kidney stone. While there, one of the nurses got the results of the tests and they both came back negative. No stone(s) present. That was a relief and I’m hoping it stays this way. Here it is, two nights in a row pain free. Wee! Wee! (And guys don’t handle pain like women.) The stone must have been agitating my right kidney as it inched toward the ureter, the duct through which urine passes from the kidney to the bladder. It wraps around the front as it enters the bladder. Usually, the pain through the ureter is extra-excruciating, yet I felt nothing.

The NP believes it passed on its own. I sure hope so. She gave me important instructions, though… Drink as much water throughout the day as possible! Good advice! But she had no explanation for why I felt the pain at night and not during the day. Oh well, it doesn’t matter as long as the experience is behind me for good.

Because I have to drink all this water, by the time I get to my reunion, I will probably look like a bloated whale. At least, I will try to use it as my excuse for not weighing 150 pounds like I did in high school.