I drove my mother and aunt around to thrift stores today, plus one antiques/collectables place. It was a lot of fun and the ladies really enjoyed themselves. So did I. The last stop was the Habitat for Humanity “ReStore” store. When we walked in, I noticed a big clock against the wall.
To show them what a civic “progressive” I am, I felt it was my duty to enlighten them. They just had to know how incorrect they were socially and politically.
“Oh, look!” I said to my mother and aunt, but loud enough for the counter people to hear. “A grandperson clock!”
“You mean a grandfather clock,” one of my relatives responded.
“No, a grandperson clock. You can’t call it a grandfather clock anymore because it’s SO SEXIST!”
One of the young girls behind the counter smiled and let out a little laugh. So did my mother and aunt. This sexist stuff isn’t for them. I guess they didn’t get Madeleine Albright’s memo about there being a “special place in hell” for women who do not support other women. Oh well.
I know I’m not two times a lady. Heck, I’m not even a woman, but I’m taking no chances. So from now on, this is a GRANDPERSON clock! No grandmothers, either. We are living in an asexual/pansexual world and we need to accept it.
Now, excuse me. I’ve got my nightly twerk-a-cizes to do.