NO CAROTIDS!

I see a lot of doctors; my primary care and a few specialists, like a pulmonologist. Sometimes, she orders chest x-rays because I was once a smoker and I’m prone to lung problems. (It will be 10 years in October!) Generally, I go to Boston Diagnostics in Altamonte Springs because they’re handy and efficient. I’ve had other tests done there, too, with and without contrast. I recommend the place, except for the few tests I’d rather not have because there are different ways to get that chalky white contrast inside you.

Many years ago, before I had insurance, I went for some sort of “procedure.” Maybe gloves were involved. I don’t remember what it was, but I do recall that I had to stop at the side desk for billing before walking out the locked door and back into the waiting area to leave. I’m certain I had to sign something. When I went to that open window to settle up, I noticed signs hanging on the walls behind her, clearly for customers to see. You know, like the $30 fee for bouncing a check. One sign in particular caught my eye and it got my creative juices flowing. It must have been a lull time, too, because several nurses were standing around chatting. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. Not mine. I ended up with one of those stern, robotic, almost Gestapo-types sitting there at her neatly organized desk. You vill obey! As she typed into her computer, I paid attention to that one sign…

NO CAROTIDS

I think it meant no Doppler ultrasound studies on the carotid arteries. Suddenly, out of the blue, I piped in, purposely bypassing Frau Ratched. Pronouncing carotids like the vegetable, I pointed at the sign and asked, “No CARROTids? Do you have TOMATIDS?”

All of the other nurses paused for a split second, then burst into laughter. But not mine. She had to correct me. Like I was an idiot. Fortunately, one of the other nurses let her know it was an obvious joke. Can’t you tell? Unfortunately, she didn’t get it at all. Without a doubt, she wasn’t right for that job and, fortunately, I never saw her again.

For Whom the Cock Crows

Only in rural America would you see a rooster in this sort of setting. Located just north of Clermont, which is west of Orlando, Minneola is a quaint kind of community; quiet and peaceful. It was, anyway, until a couple of roosters showed up unannounced. No one is complaining, probably because their presence reminds the residents of times past. (I grew up hearing them.) This guy was just up the street from our family friends, who we go to see every week while they’re here from New Jersey during the winter months.

Captain Rooster, so I was duly informed, was offered a position, which he accepted, with Lake EMS as the new siren at the Minneola location. When an emergency call comes in, he’s safely strapped into a harness mounted on the roof of the vehicle shown in the photo. And no feathers are ever harmed. Here’s our hero taking a little R&R while waiting for his favorite hen to show up. He’s very special because, well, not just any cock’ll doodle do.