The hair that bit me

Lewis Grizzard was a very popular op-ed writer. By op-ed, I mean his syndicated column ran opposite the editorial page in newspapers throughout the land. He was a good old boy southerner and I count him as one of my writing inspirations. Unfortunately, poor Lewis had a bum heart and he left us much too early in life. I remember when he wrote an amusing piece about getting older. It seems that, one day, he discovered new hairs sprouting from his ears, like the kind you sometimes see on old men. After shaving those hairs and feeling much younger, he put on a pair of his tightest jeans and hit a couple of singles bars. Eventually, a much younger girl approached him and said, “Like, wow, did you know your ears are bleeding?”

I have a couple of very light colored hairs growing on the outer rim of each ear and if I don’t shave them ocassionally, they can get pretty long. Fortunately, they blend in with the few head hairs I have left and are seldom, if ever, noticed. I never knew they were there until I was telling a friend that, at least, I don’t have any and she yanked on one and replied, “Yes, you do!”

Unfortunately, along with age comes new hair in the most unwanted places. I remember this old woman from my childhood who attended the same church as me. All I can remember about her was that she had a long black hair growing out of her chin and a few dozen short ones below her nose, on her upper lip. That’s all I remember about that nice church going lady. I also recall when I reached an age when my voice went from that boyish falsetto to a confused state that went from a medium pitch to a deep one. Suddenly, a single hair started to bloom on my chin and to tell the world I was now a man, I let it grow and grow and grow. Silly me. Today, I understand how stupid it looked and now, I try my best to dispose of those unwanted hairs.

I wonder if I should grow those ear hairs very long so I can comb them over my very bald head.